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To Those Who Need Healing

We’ve all been there.


Left feeling lonely, broken, betrayed, perhaps even afraid, almost as if your mind is a cliff and you’re free-falling onto uneven back-breaking rocks. At first, it might be dull, but we all know it will hit us faster than we realize we might need help; help to heal.


As humans, we are almost always in a battle with what we know is right in our heart, and what our mind tells us. That being said, when something is wrong, or we need to heal from something, we can’t always pinpoint what that is. We will end up trying to recount every single moment in our life that might have caused this feeling. If you go through every moment, it should fit together like pieces of a puzzle, and cancel out this feeling, right?


Yet, it’s not that simple.


We go through this feeling throughout our life, like a dull ache sneaking up behind you until it peaks. You might get distracted for a bit, not a worry in your mind. But, all of a sudden, it hits you. The feeling that you haven’t been able to get rid of. The feeling that’s slowly tearing you down, making every little thing in life harder than it should be.


However, whatever has hurt you is in the past. You might think it shouldn’t bother you, when it still does. Have you ever heard the saying that bringing up your past is like trying to rob your old house? You don’t live there anymore. So, why are you still feeling this pain? Well, unfortunately, you're somehow still stuck paying for that house.


All joking aside, your unhealed wounds are much like that house. Even if you’ve left it behind in some sense, it’s still there. So, it’s going to affect you regardless of how far away you hide it. In order to not feel the pain anymore, you have to learn to heal and grow.


I know, I know, it’s easier said than done. That being said, here are some guiding tips to help you heal.

 

1. Self-love.



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You’ve probably heard this before, and I know it might seem cliche, but it’s worth trying. Many people who have been hurt and are trying to heal, don’t necessarily know their worth because of past incidents in which they felt less than. However, when you choose to dedicate yourself to self-love, and practice self-soothing, you will likely begin to understand that your unhealed wounds don’t have to define who you become.


Self-love allows us to become more aware of the parts of our past that need healing and nurturing. Nevertheless, self-love doesn’t look the same for everyone. In fact, it can even differ with the same person depending on the situation and their current life experiences.


My advice to you is to find what works for you. Maybe you need to watch a kid's show (even for 30 year-olds this can still be calming). Or perhaps you just need a good meal, a bath, a good laugh, or even some time alone with nature. For many, this can be easy, but for others, it can be a nuisance. Whether you don’t have much time because of your busy work schedule, or you are often closed off to your emotions, it can be quite challenging.


When this happens, take some time, and find your cup of tea (or coffee, or soda, we aren’t judging).


 

2. Don’t let your brain rule, listen to your heart.



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If you’re someone with anxiety or let’s face it, just a human being on Earth, you’ve had a time in your life where your mind and your heart are in conflict. When you’re the person dealing with these thoughts, you’re often oblivious to which one is your real thought. Moreover, when someone else hears you talk about it, your thoughts might sound a little wild.


This is why when making decisions, such as the decision to practice self-love, listening to your heart is much more valuable than listening to your head. For example, your heart knows it’s important to practice self-love and self-validation, but, your brain might think that’s stupid.


You may think your brain is more logical, but when it comes to making decisions that will nourish your body and soul, your heart is what you should listen to. However, we all know this instinctively, as we point to our heart when saying “I” statements, or when showing our appreciation.


When it comes to healing our past wounds, we need to ensure we listen to our heart. Deep down, where we are hurt, we often know the next steps we need to take to begin our individual healing journeys. Despite how powerful and intrinsic our minds are, our heart knows more when it comes to our soul.


Your thoughts can heal you, or hurt you. So always listen to your heart, especially when it comes to nurturing your body, mind, and soul. Remember to treat yourself how you would treat a friend.

 

3. Put your opinion first and learn to say no.



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When finally learning how to heal and put yourself first, you’ll often doubt yourself, or your feelings, especially when others give you their unsolicited opinions. This is why it is important to put your opinion first, because those outside of your mind and your life experience, will never know firsthand exactly what you are dealing with.


Just because something similar has happened to them, does not mean that they are experts. Remember that healing is not linear, and it is absolutely okay to not listen to outside opinions when it comes to how you heal.


Many may give you advice on the best route to take to heal, or perhaps they find meditation really helpful. Maybe you decide to go into therapy, and somebody else tells you that makes you weak. If it works for you, don’t let others sway you.


Let rude people be the background noise, and let yourself be the harmony. If you live in someone else’s shadow, you will never be able to shine your light.


When learning to value your opinion, especially when it comes to your own life, boundaries are key. Healing your own life and past wounds means being able to say “yes” to yourself, and “no” to others. Your energy is of immeasurable worth, and saying “no” can allow you to protect it.


Saying “no” and valuing your own opinion go hand-in-hand with self-love. In order to heal and know you're worth more than your past wounds, you need to love yourself enough to say no (as a wise man named Elder Pablo once said). In addition to this, you can give yourself space to say “yes” later to something important, by saying “no, not right now” to something which is not a priority (as a wise woman named Rio once said).


Learning to set up boundaries and value your own opinions enough to say “no”, is a very long process. Many don’t have strong personal boundaries until they are much older, which is why it is important to start practicing healthy boundaries now. If you’re constantly saying “yes” to others, by the time YOU need something vital, you won’t have enough time or energy to say “yes” to yourself.


Give yourself permission to say “no”, especially when it comes at the expense of draining your own energy and hurting your well-being. Discomfort is often a sign of growth, and without growth, there’s nowhere to go.

 

4. Forgiveness.



Forgiveness lets you be free and no longer a slave of the pain.


Forgiving those who have hurt you is definitely easier said than done. In some situations, it’s easier than others. Despite how hard it may be, depending on your situation, it may be better to learn to forgive than digging deeper wounds with your resentment towards others.


However, what about when it comes to people who’ve abused you? You might want to say forgiveness is a bunch of rubbish, but you have to remember that forgiveness is for you NOT them. Not only this, but forgiveness does not require reconnection, forgive from a distance.


Sharie Stines, Psy.D (2017) stated some important things to remember about forgiveness:

  • “Forgiveness is not a statement that the crime was not that bad.

  • Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.

  • Forgiveness is not something you have to feel like doing in order to do.

  • Forgiveness is not a step you take in order to avoid feeling the impact of the damage.

  • Forgiveness is not something anyone can force upon you.

  • Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. You may never forget what happened to you. Just because you forgive someone, that does not mean you gain amnesia.

  • Forgiveness has nothing to do with fairness.

  • It brings healing to the person doing the forgiving.

  • It is more a decision than a feeling.

  • It is a willingness of the mind and an attitude of the heart.

  • It is a process, just as grief is a process. “ (paragraph 3 & 4).

So, next time you think about forgiveness, remember the above things.

Forgiveness, just like healing, is not easy but will help you to love

yourself unconditionally.

 

When healing you don’t just address your past, you also learn how to move forward, and be more present in the now. Healing requires many little steps, as there is no one easy way to heal. It is important to remember that no matter how small, progress is still progress.


One tiny action can turn into something grand, so never belittle the worth of making your mark. Whether that be making your mark to a changed future, or something entirely different.


When moving forward throughout the process of healing, we must recognize that we only see life from one point of view. However, life is much like a nest, there are many layers to it. That being said, just because you only see one, doesn’t mean there’s not more.


Take the time to learn, grow, connect, and reflect. You might be one person, but your impact is greater than you can imagine; remember this when healing. Healing yourself gives you more time and energy to invest in the now, and into our future.


Throughout the long process, you can feel alone, and perhaps a little lost. In our society which is becoming increasingly disconnected, this can be emphasized, which COVID-19 restrictions do not help with. When/if you ever feel like this I encourage you to take a moment to connect to the Earth around you.


Your hair is the grass, your veins are the rivers, your bones are the rocks, your breath is the wind, and your heart is the core of the Earth. Remember this, and take the time to recognize that no matter how alone you feel, or how disconnected you may be, you can recognize yourself within Mother Earth. There is always someone out there, who will understand you.


Always know that with each season we grow.

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